O Training Pants

O Training Pants, O Training Pants

How ever-damp your fabric. 

I put him on 

The pot to pee

No urine do

I hear or see

I take him off 

To play with me

...And then he wets your fabric

Dump after dump

Is shat therein

The nastiest

There's ever been

So bad I cut 

You off of him

...And throw away your fabric

The weeks and months

Go slowly by

And when it seems 

He's staying dry 

The second that 

My hopes get high--

He promptly wets your fabric

When half a year

Of stank dismay

To poop-less pants

At last gives way

He waits, of course,

Til Mother's Day

To shit right through your fabric 

No accidents-- 

Success in reach!

Three months go by...

Then at the beach

I notice that

There's been a breach

Right through your swimsuit fabric

By now, it's been 

A full-blown year 

Most days, he's fine

He's in the clear 

When least expected 

Never fear--

He wets your goddamn fabric 

And once he seems

To have it down 

I still can't help

But fret and frown

Because at night

He'd surely drown 

If not for Good Nites fabric 

He's off to 

Kindergarten now

I should've long 

Forgotten how

To shovel poo, but... 

Really? Wow.

That's skid mark on your fabric 

From training pant 

To boxer brief

I start to think 

There's no relief 

I long with

Hopeful disbelief 

Til clean and dry your fabric 

O Underpants, O Underpants 

However gross your fabric

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